Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
