i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
