dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
