she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
