im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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