yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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