yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
