At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
