do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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