never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
