i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
