The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
