I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
