i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
