The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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