How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize