honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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