I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is wine microwaveable?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so much tequila, so little girl.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
