Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
