I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
