Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
