Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
