I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
