i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
