Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
