Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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