what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
