Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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