Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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