I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
