Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
