I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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