Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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