Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
