Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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