I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
