I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
