We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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