her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
