God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Small penises have feelings too.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pants are for mortals
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
