your room smells of hookers.
And success
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize