Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Damn victory sex feels great
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
