I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
