Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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