is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
