I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
