We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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