She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
