i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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