hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
