If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
