There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
