If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you would pick up someone in the library
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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